


All-In

by MoonlightBreeze



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Provides Comfort, And he gets that hug, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality Spectrum, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I swear I'm not always this sappy, Insecure Jace Wayland, Jace Wayland Deserves Nice Things, Jace Wayland Feels, Jace Wayland Needs A Hug, M/M, Shadowhunters Rarepair Secret Santa, Supportive Alec Lightwood, it's really fucking cute and sweet, no beta we die like men, they are each other's nice things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze
Summary: Jace is nervous about coming out to Alec as grey ace, but Alec reassures him that he has nothing to worry about. He is, and always has been, perfect for Alec.Written for the Shadowhunters Rare Pair Gift Exchange for Kissa! I hope you enjoy it! <3
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21
Collections: Rare Pair Gift Exchange





	All-In

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kissa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/gifts).



> Hey, guys! This fic is written for the Shadowhunters Rare Pair Gift Exchange - my giftee is Kissa. I hope you like it, Kissa <3 I tried to incorporate a few of your prompts into this. I'm really bad at writing smut and I'm terrible at doing it "on command" so I wanted to give you something that wasn't smut - read: something that isn't completely awful, lololol. I really hope you enjoy it, anyway! 
> 
> The title comes from my strange urge to put poker into this fic (which I did, for about a line aksfjks) after playing about three hours' worth of Texas Hold 'Em last night with family. 
> 
> No warnings within (for once)! I hope you enjoy this! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And, as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

The noise at the table was comfortable, but Alec knew Jace sometimes wasn’t in the mood to deal with even the barest hint of laughter or the quietest of jeers, so he couldn’t say he was surprised when Jace excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back. 

Alec let him be for a few minutes; he knew Jace liked his privacy. But after a half hour passed and it became clear that Jace had disappeared with no intentions of returning, Alec was sent by Maryse to find him and check on him. It was rare that the family got a chance to play poker together, and Alec knew that Maryse knew Jace wouldn’t have left without a good reason. Secretly, Alec was worried, too, but his family didn’t need to know that. 

Alec checked all of the usual spots first: his bedroom, the training room, Alec’s room, the ops center. When none of those turned up anything, Alec sighed and began to climb the stairs to the roof. It was rare, but sometimes, when he was upset or needed to think about something, Jace would find his way to the Institute’s roof and stay there, oftentimes for hours on end. 

Alec reached the top of the steps and pushed the door open, revealing - not to his surprise, but still to his dismay - the hunched figure of his parabatai standing near the edge of the roof. He could tell Jace was tense by the set of his shoulders, and he was gripping the concrete so hard Alec feared it might crumble underneath his fingers. 

“Hey,” he called, and Jace froze, his back going rigid. Alec frowned. Usually Jace was happy to see him, or at the very least relieved that it was Alec who had gone after him instead of someone else who understood him less. 

“Are you okay?” Alec asked, moving closer to Jace in the frigid night air. His breath made little white clouds as he exhaled. “Dude, come inside. It’s freezing out here.”

Jace shook his head, not saying anything. Alec worried his bottom lip between his teeth and approached Jace cautiously. This wasn’t like him. 

When he reached his parabatai, Alec placed a gentle hand on Jace’s shoulder, turning him around until they were facing each other. “Hey,” Alec said, his voice soft, tone inquiring. “What’s wrong?”

Jace shook his head again, avoiding Alec’s eyes. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides, but Alec could tell he wasn’t angry. Alec stepped forward and took one of Jace’s hands, unfolding his fist and tangling their fingers together. “I know something’s wrong, Jace. I know you. Talk to me.”

“It’s not - ” Jace broke off, sighing. “It’s not anything we need to be worried about yet.”

“That’s obviously not true,” Alec pointed out. “You’re worried about it right now.”

Jace rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but I’m just being stupid.”

“Hey,” Alec said, “I’m not saying you can’t be stupid sometimes, because you definitely can and are, but if something is bothering you? That’s never stupid, Jace.” He shuffled closer and wrapped his arms around his parabatai, placing one hand on the small of his back and moving it up & down his spine in a comforting manner. “I won’t think it’s stupid.”

Jace cringed, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “You might think it’s weird, though. You might not want to be with me anymore.”

“Jace, there is nothing you could say, short of ‘I killed your friend’, that would make me not want to date you anymore.” 

“You might not feel that way after you hear this,” Jace cautioned him, his voice tight and unsure. “It’s, uh.” He broke off, pulling away from Alec and twisting his fingers together anxiously. “It’s just, not heard of in the Shadow World.”

“Being gay used to be unheard of in the Shadow World, too,” Alec said, rolling his eyes. “Trust me, Jace, whatever it is, I’m going to be fine with it.”

“Okay,” Jace agreed reluctantly. “If you say so.” He was clearly still unsure about it, and Alec was at a loss for what to do to make him feel better about the whole ordeal. 

A sudden wave of guilt crashed over Alec, and he was suddenly filled with remorse. He hadn’t meant to force Jace into telling him something he wasn’t ready to speak about. 

“You know you don’t have to tell me, right? Only if you want to. I’ll love you either way.” Alec sent Jace a reassuring look and gave one of his hands a little squeeze. 

Jace chuckled, smiling a little. “Yeah, I know.” They were quiet for a few minutes, aside from the occasional cars driving past and the buzz of pedestrians’ chatter. Alec tried to communicate _supportcarelove_ through their parabatai bond, resisting the urge to take Jace’s hand in his and kiss how much he loved him into the other boy’s palm. The ball was in Jace’s court now, and whatever he said, Alec knew it had to be his decision. 

Finally, after a few long minutes, Jace inhaled shakily and began to speak. “So, uh, y-you know I’ve been with lots of people.”

Alec nodded minutely. Jace’s body count was impressive, and they both knew it, but it had never bothered him. Alec was the only one Jace had ever loved. 

“Well, it’s helped me realise a few things about myself,” Jace continued. He took a deep breath, and then asked: “Do you know what it means to be asexual?”

Alec thought back to the LGBTQ+ articles he’d read online when he was first discovering he liked men, and he remembered one that had gone into detail about asexuality. “I think so,” he answered. “It means you’re not interested in sex?”

“Well, kind of,” Jace replied. “Not, uh, not exactly.”

“Okay,” Alec said, nodding. “Tell me more?” He kept his voice soft and free of judgement, hoping to communicate to Jace that he was listening and supportive and willing to accept whatever it was he had to say. 

“See, asexuality is like, well, it’s kind of like a spectrum. Some people who identify as asexual or a form of it aren’t necessarily uninterested in sex. F-For instance, there’s a certain label called grey asexual, or grey ace, and it can mean, among other things, that there’s only certain parts of sex that you’re interested in. Like maybe you’re only interested in it when playing a certain role or in a certain position.”

Alec nodded, taking in the new information. “Yeah, okay, that makes sense.” Jace fell silent at that, avoiding Alec’s gaze. It took a few seconds for everything to click in Alec’s mind, but when it did, he grabbed Jace’s shoulder, searching for his golden eyes in the darkness of the roof. “Wait, are you trying to tell me that you’re grey ace?”

“Maybe?” Jace hedged, his voice small and vulnerable. “What if I was? Would you care?”

“Of course not!” Alec exclaimed. “The only thing I _care_ about, Jace, is that you didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me this sooner.” He wrapped his arms around his parabatai, one hand going to the nape of Jace’s neck to comb through the fine hairs there. “I don’t care about the sex, okay? I don’t care about...any of that. I care about _you_.” 

Jace exhaled shakily, burying his face in Alec’s neck. “Good. I - thank you.” 

Alec said nothing, pressing a light kiss to the top of Jace’s head instead. They swayed together for a few minutes, and Alec wondered how long Jace had been hiding that, waiting and hoping and praying that Alec wouldn’t turn him away because of it. The thought filled him with an overwhelming feeling of love for his parabatai, and he held Jace that much tighter for it. 

“We should go inside,” Jace said eventually, sighing and pulling away. “They’ll be waiting for us.” 

“Poker can wait ‘til next time,” Alec countered. “We _should_ go inside - it’s fucking cold out here - but just...let’s ditch for the evening, yeah? I want to kiss you.” 

“Yeah, well, what are you waiting for?” Jace teased, sidling closer. 

Alec chuckled and obliged him, leaning forward and placing a soft, tender kiss on Jace’s lips. He rested his forehead against Jace’s, his fingers groping for his parabatai rune on instinct. “I hope you know,” he began, his voice thick with emotion, “that I’m in this for the long haul, Jace. I-I’m here for whatever life throws at both of us. You’ll never be alone. I’m here for it all.”

Jace nodded, too overcome with emotion to respond, and Alec tactfully ignored the tears that he felt dampening his jacket as they embraced one last time before heading to the door and towards home. 

Eventually, Alec knew that they would have to talk more about it, establish limits and discuss what Jace was & wasn’t okay with, but for now, he just wanted to hold his parabatai and remind him that there was nothing wrong with him, and that Alec was all-in, no matter what, for as long as they both lived. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Stalk me on Tumblr](moonlight-breeze-44.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Prompts are open!
> 
> Want to embrace your inner chaotic fandom participant? Require somewhere to scream about Shadowhunters and other fandoms? Need writing advice, encouragement, or new friends? [Join our Discord server](https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD) and find your home in a community of chaotic fans looking to make the world a nicer place! We welcome everyone, and we would love to have you. <3


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